


The Moon and Her Star

by song_of_scrios



Series: Soulmate AUs [1]
Category: Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-04-18 22:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14223252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/song_of_scrios/pseuds/song_of_scrios
Summary: No one know how the soulmate phenomena began, only that when it did, a whole new bundle of problems came along with it...When River was first aware of her soulmate in her dreams, she was four. He braided daisies in her hair and he taught her how to dance beneath a swirling sea of stars.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate AU - You share a dream space with your soulmate (soulmates are also rare and not everyone has one)  
> I had a dream of this pairing last night and I wrote this today... It's short but full of feelings. I hope you like it.  
> Unbetaed, all mistakes are my own, and some quotes were taken from various sources. Kudos to those who know where from!

When River was first aware of her soulmate in her dreams, she was four. He braided daisies in her hair and he taught her how to dance beneath a swirling sea of stars. They played make-believe and sailed on ships across oceans and through space. Together, they explored deep jungles and devoured entire libraries full of knowledge. It was beautiful.

He was beautiful...

She told Simon her secrets, about her man with a girl’s name who shared her dreams. Simon told her about soulmates, how they were rare and she was blessed to have one. Their parents would not understand. She had a duty to them, to marry a good Core boy with money and standing. 

_Go se..._

Simon would probably turn purple if he knew some of the things her soulmate had taught her, she certainly blushed. He was wild like the untamed horses that lived on the Earth-That-Was. They lived worlds apart and shared their dreams whenever they could. He would say that time was a bitch. It really was.

When she slept it was dawn for him and the opposite was the same for her. There were times they planned to meet in their shared space. He would tell her all about his large family and the work he did to support them. Sometimes, River was jealous that he had so much family. From his stories, they sounded as if they were full of warmth. Simon was the only other one that cared about her feelings.

A breath, a whisper, a finger on the trigger...

The man called Jayne liked his whores. River was _not_ jealous. Maybe just a little. He was a man and he had his urges. She was a child. The kisses they shared were chaste and nothing passionate. Kisses were her’s.  

Things changed when she went to the Academy. It was now the middle of the day for Jayne when she slept. They rarely got to see one another in their dreams. River learned so much. She filled her days with learning and dance and poetry; she had everything she wanted. It didn't last. There were whispers of dread that made her question her teachers, little voices that steered her down paths that others didn't understand. She knew things that were supposed to be secrets. Sometimes, other children left and never returned. 

It was supposed to be a class about soulmate bonds for those who had them. She was one for six in the class. Lessons were tests of skills that stretched from the bond, of knowledge acquired from their mates. There was sleep deprivation. There were drugs. 

Simon's letter smelled wrong...

She didn’t know how she knew, but River knew that they were reading her mail. She sent coded letters in codes that she knew that he would understand. River forced herself to sleep at odd hours, searching for Jayne. He needed to know that they were hurting them. 

They found out about her soulmate...

River didn’t know when the pain started, she only knew that they didn't want to stop.

Subject CM deceased; self-inflicted; exsanguination.

Subject RS deceased; self-inflicted; overdose.

Subject MR deceased; gunshot wound to the stomach; terminated upon request.

Subject GG deceased; coma; terminated after 1 year upon request.

Subject JL alive; transferred to BLUE Division.

Subject RT alive; transferred to BLUE Division.

The girl remembered Jayne. They strapped her to the table and she forced herself to sleep. She crawled through the dark place and screamed his name. It had been a long time since they had really seen each other. He was taller and broader and had scars. The girl didn’t need to know what she looked like. 

She begged him to stay with her to stay and never leave. The men with their blue hands hurt and cut and tore, but he was starlight and warmth that kept away the cold.

Hehastostayhehastostayhehastostayhehastostayhehastostayhehastostayhehastostayhehastostayhehastostay

He was off to slay the dragon and the sorcerers but the princess was left in darkness. She didn’t want to remember much after that.

_Pick up the pen._

There was so much screaming.

She is aware that the blood is sticky between her fingers. 

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

_We need to keep this quiet. If the public were to find out, the aftermath would be catastrophic!_

The planets swirl around in a mess of colors. She is dizzy. 

Where is Jayne?

Where is Simon?

Mama? 

Father?

_It’s the PAX._

”Most of our best work is done when they’re asleep.”

_Reclaim the subject, dispose of the intruder._

Space is quiet and empty and vast. There is peace and there is chaos.

They wonder if she will kill them when they sleep. She has thought about it. It would be too problematic if she did. 

Simon wants the girl to sleep, wants the girl to be his sister. It’s an impossible task. 

I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast...

Cold needles and sleep.  

The dark place is quiet. Jayne has not been here in a long time. River has half forgotten the sound of his voice. 

Daisies and cornflowers in their hair, around their necks, and dances to share. A kiss or two upon the head, my mate you’ll be until we’re dead. 

* * *

Jayne didn’t talk much about his private life. He was a merc. He liked guns, whores, and money. He also loved his ma and sisters somethin' fierce. His soulmate was something he never spoke about. No one in the verse needed to know his business and that was the way things were.

River had been that special something that was worth waiting for; like dessert. She was smart and pretty and still wanted him even though he was beneath her and all. Her family gave her all the fancy schoolin' she wanted and she knew more than everyone back home knew combined. River was a girl that your ma would approve of and tell the family secrets to. He had his fill of whores, but Jayne didn’t kiss em' on the mouth. She’d be his first. 

“You’re a boob,” she’d say. Yeah, probably. 

Three years, four months, and twenty-three days; that’s how long she’s been gone. Jayne’s been counting. His dreams have been pretty empty since then. He waits in their garden for her but she doesn’t come ever. Sometimes he gets tired of waiting and goes to clean his guns or lift weights. It keeps his mind off of the bad ideas. 

Jayne whores, he shoots, he kills, he lies, and he cheats. He keeps counting. 

The doc is a stuffy and prissy type of guy. Kaylee’s all aflutter over him, but Jayne can’t understand why. He reminds him of River, all with his manners and properness, crept River is probably smarter. Things were going pretty easy till Dobson called the feds, but Jayne can’t be mad about that, not when he’s barely holding the doc back and River is lying there in a box. 

_Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze._

She’s screaming, wailing in pain or in fear, he can’t tell. The doc is outta his arms and is in front of her. He wants to chase after him and pull him away, but he’s there, calling her  _mei mei_ and he realizes that this is her Simon.

Simon is holding her while she shakes like a leaf and comforting her. Jayne stands there confused. 

Simon brings River down to the med bay and makes her sleep. Jayne stays a little bit longer just to trace the outline of her face with his eyes. 

Simon tells the story of his sister. Jayne sits and listens until he can’t anymore. 

He says that he’ll be in his bunk but it’s a lie. Jayne creeps down to the med bay where Kaylee is alive and resting and where River is  _alive_ and resting. He thinks that breathing is a little hard when he notices the tears. Fucking feelings. 

He goes to interrogate the fed who folds faster than he thought possible. Damn shame too, he wanted an ear. Dobson offers him money, a lot of money, but he doesn’t take it. Soulmates are priceless. 

Things all go tits up with Patience and reavers and the fed getting shot, but they made it out. Jayne watches River from across the room while they celebrate living another day. She doesn’t look at him or even notice his presence, it’s as if he doesn’t exist. 

_Ta ma de..._

* * *

She is a mouse. River waits until Simon is asleep, and she waits until the ship sings across the stars. River tiptoes down the metal halls that whisper melodies that only she can hear. There are secrets and stories the walls know that only she can garner. Jayne... He sleeps lightly, searching for her. She knows and also doesn't know. They took their connection, broke it into little pieces that can't be glued back together, and he is waiting for her. He is still waiting for her.

River crawls into the tiny bed and latches around him. He wakes almost instantly. Jayne's hand finds hers and it's finding purchase after being lost for so long. The bed creaks as he rolls over to face her. Their legs tangle and he breathes in the scent of her hair. It probably smells stale but he just pulls her closer.

"I looked for you," he murmured against her forehead. 

"I know." She closes her eyes, knowing that she doesn't need to dream to be with him anymore.

He's right beside her, like the stars cradling the moon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Soulmates in this verse and there’s deep thought annnnnddd I wound up writing another little bit.  
> Wrote up to “Shindig”.

They don't talk about the soulmate thing.

They don’t talk about why they don’t dream together anymore either.

River sticks to her brother's side all of the time, refusing to meet his eyes. He plays wary indifference well, stating how he don't like either of them but will put up with their presence as long as they keep to them. Bunch of ruttin' go se, that's what it is. Every waking moment he wants to just run up to her and spin her around like they used to in their dreams. He wants to ask her all those questions that had been buzzing in his brain in the last month that they'd been on the boat. Jayne knows that it's not the right time, that he should wait for when River feels up to it. Her mental state is all broken and he'd sooner get spaced than make her sad again.

Last few nights, River had crept down to his bunk for a few hours, always leaving so her brother doesn’t notice. Normally, he’d take offense to being someone’s dirty secret, but he supposed that it’s better than gettin’ shot or spaced. A blind idiot could tell how protective the doc was over his little sister. Jayne wasn’t bout to go kicking that hornets’ nest. 

River has her share of nightmares, the doc mentions them even if River doesn’t. It’s another of those things they don’t talk about. Jayne knows that the Acadamy and those dirty  _hundans_ messed her up. He’s got all these questions burning up his brain but  _wo de ma he ta de fengkuang de waisheng dou_ , he wasn’t gonna make her upset about it. 

Inara has this fancy party that she’s going to. She’s getting paid for it, one of her clients is some trumped up dandy that probably doesn’t appreciate her nothing. A whore is a whore but whores put up with a lot of  _go se_ no matter where they work. Ain’t no secret that Mal doesn’t see it that way.

Jayne wonders when the two will just admit their feelings for one another and go at it. Zoe says it’ll be after captain almost dies but Wash bets that it will be when Inara says she wants to leave. Knowing those two, it will probably take both. 

That he knows of (cause he makes it his business to know this kinda shit) neither Mal or Inara are soulmates. Not everybody has one. River once said that less than ten percent of Osiris had em’ and that those that did kept it quiet if they were too different. Money’s more important than the other half of your soul. 

Wash and Zoe are soulmates though. He thinks he’s heard the story a million times thanks to Kaylee; how Zoe only ever knew Wash as “ _Hoban”_ and how Wash asked out thirty-six other Zoe's and Zoë's before he gave up and found the right one on accident. Kaylee says it’s romantic but he thinks it’s fucking hilarious. 

“The party is in full swing.”

Jayne turned to see River standing in the middle of his room. Boo was dismantled across the small table in front of him and there were gun oil stains across his shirt. River was wearing this slip of a dress, dark blue down to her knees, and just the kind of thing for dancing.

”I ain’t dressed for no party.”

”That’s okay. She doesn’t need him to pretend, to put on false clothes and act the Prince Charming.” She tiptoes over to him silently. 

“You saying I ain’t your knight in armor?”

River rests her head on his shoulder before poking him gently in the ribs. 

“He is the grumpy dragon.”

Jayne can hear the laughter in her voice. He turns his head a little to look her in the eyes. There’s a big part of him that’s wants to kiss her, but there’s also the part that knows that she’s not ready. She has all these things in her head, wants, fears, and other people’s wants and fears, and Jayne can wait till she’s ready.

”Dance with me.”

He won’t say no to her. 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I wrote more. And there’s more after this. What have I done?  
> Unbetaed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tidbit from "Our Mrs Reynolds"

“She is a spider, clever and cunning.”

River’s voice is barely a whisper. They don’t hear her, they don’t even notice her presence among them as they are absorbed in their newest addition. She can taste the woman’s malice beneath her doe eyes and pretty face. Her body is a weapon, forged and honed; done so in ways that her own has not. 

Jayne is jealous, only on the surface. He wants what Captain has; the pretty wife.

The girl is dressed in worn, white cotton and draped in hand-spun lace. Daisies are braided into her hair and they hold hands and kiss and love and...

River can feel the thunderous stampede of hooves across a plane. She can smell the coming storm and warm coffee that’s brewed like thick coal tar. 

Jayne was always a romantic. 

She makes herself scarce. Simon wants it and if the spider discovers their secrets then she will not hesitate to claim her reward. 

The worlds won’t get to leave her lips. 

Silver bells and cockle shells...

”Hey Moonbrain,” Jayne lurks from the shadows. He likes to try to be sneaky. 

“The wife is a snake that spits poison. Don’t believe her lies.”

Jayne looks confused. 

“Whatchya’ mean?”

”An apple is still an apple even if its core is rotten. Cannot decide desires; still assessing.”

There’s blood on her hands and worms between her toes. She tries to stomp on them. 

“Hey! You’ll hurt yourself doin’ that in bare feet,” Jayne says. 

“He doesn’t understand. They will eat her!”

She tries to push him away. They have to die or they will squirm and squish their way into her bed at night.

Six feet under...

Worm food...

Simon is there, needle in hand. Jayne is pinning her arms to her sides. It’s too loud and too bright. 

“The fox is is in the henhouse!”

She kicks Jayne in the shin and steps on Simon’s foot before she wriggles out of their arms and escapes into Serenity’s bosom.

* * *

In retrospect, he shoulda seen this coming. 

“We want you to marry us.”

River has this dreamy look on her face. She’s smiling at him and then looks at Shepard Book with wide eyes. 

“Uh Moony, I don’t-“

”is there something you need to tell me Jayne?”

The Shepard’s voice is thick with judgement. 

Jayne winces. 

“Shepard, yer mind is headin’ in directions that it ain’t ought bein’!” 

“Two halves of a whole, daisies in her hair, wearing ma’s good lace; a soulmate.”

”How?” 

How did she know what he’d been thinking all damn day?

“I love you.”

It’s the first time she’s said it since  they found each other again. Sure, notion’s been implied, but it hasn’t been said. 

“What’s going on?”

 _“Quingwa cao de liuman..._ ” Jayne curses his rotten luck.

“Moony’s got some  _feng le_ ideas in her head!”

River kicked him in the shin.

”Yow!”

“Well I was gonna show Saffron to her quarters, did they get squared away?” Mal asks.

“Once upon a time,” Shepard Book looks upon Jayne with not a bit of sympathy.

“I don’t need anything. I’m really just fine-“

”You’re a thief,” River’s voice cuts in. 

“Well ho, lets play nice here. Jayne, why don’t you take Her to see her brother. It might make her thoughts a little less ornery.”

There’s a crinkling sound and they all turn to face Saffron who’s holding out a ration bar and looking like she’s bout to be beaten within an inch of her life. 

“I’m sorry, I didn't know when I was to be fed, and I was afraid...”

Jayne stares at her, wondering why she looks so scared. There are honest to God tears in her eyes but they don’t come with hiccups. He’s caught his brothers and sisters stealin’ ma’s cookies, hell, he’s gotten caught stealin’ ma’s cookies, and the tears from the fear of Radient Cobb armed with a wooden spoon ain’t nothin’ to joke about. Saffron’s face is too the floor now, and she’s cowed and meek as a mouse. 

Mal makes this speech to Saffron about her standing up for herself. Jayne watches her eyes. Yeah, there’s somethin’ there that’s missing. Maybe he’ll bring it up to Mal once they’re outta earshot. River’s been sayin’ weirder stuff ever since Saffron came aboard.

River tugs on his shirt. There’s a pillow shoved under her dress. It makes her look like she’s got a lumpy, fat belly. She cups it tenderly and hums.

”I’m in the family way.”

_Mei yong ma duh tse gu yong._

"I'll be in my bunk."

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big reveal takes place during Out of Gas...

Once upon a time, there was a princess. She lived in a castle, with servants, pretty dresses, and good food to eat. The little princess had everything that her heart desired. There were teachers that taught her about everything and anything, silk and satin slippers for dancing, and beautiful music to dance to.

One day, a magician approached the girl and her parents. He promised them wealth and fame beyond their wildest dreams and promised her the chance to learn the secrets of the universe. They accepted whole-heartedly.

For a time, the girl learned the nature of the world. She learned about its magic and its wonder, eating up everything the magician could teach her. The girl didn't realize that all magic had a terrible price.

There were secrets that she wasn't meant to know. There were people that were never meant to die. There were worlds that were never meant to exist.

It was easier to pretend that the Academy and her life before it was a fairytale. There were always happy endings in fairytales. She could tell the story over and over in her head, changing the details to protect the secrets from spilling out; no one would know the difference.

Jayne always knew.

_There are things she ain't sayin', some awfulness that she don't want to tell..._

It was comforting to know that he never would ask her the uncomfortable questions.

Fire fire, burning bright...

No, that wasn't right.

Zoe is flying. She hits the floor hard and her light retreats into the dark places. There is so much shouting, so much pain, and anger, and fear, and sorrow; she covers her ears to block it all out.

Serenity has gone quiet too. Her heart is cold and they drift through the sea of stars, growing colder too. 

When is Zoe going to wake up?

When are they going to run out of air?

Will someone find us?

Are we all going to die here?

No, no they are not. Captain has a fine plan, a plan to get help. There is a beacon drawing others to them, like moths to a flame. Captain will stay with the ship and they will be separated.

_Shepherd Book, Kaylee and Jayne'll ride with Inara in her shuttle. Doc, you and your sister will go with Wash and Zoe, seein' as Zoe still needs some doctorin'._

"No," she says, quiet like a mouse. They look at her, unsure that she had even spoke.

Jayne's eyes are sharp and tired. He's tired of keeping quiet, tired of thinking up lies. He's tired because he hasn't slept in nearly twenty-six hours, all because his dreams have been haunting him. She's there in those dreams, the way she had been before the knives cut her deep. She's screaming for him and he isn't listening. She didn't know that he felt regret for leaving her.

So many times people said things but felt the opposite.

"No, I go with Jayne."

The dark sea of stars will swallow them up. They will be lost at sea. She would prefer to be lost with him.

"Moony don't know what she's talkin' about." Jayne is lying through clenched teeth. He doesn't want them to know, not yet. They'll jump to conclusions, they'll rip him to shreds, they'll assume the worst...

" _Mei mei_ , why do you want to go with him?" Simon moves to place himself between them. He is careful to hide the fact he has her cocktail in his pocket. He's been carrying one around with him.

Vigilance against the destruction within.

"Two halves of a whole."

Dancing beneath the stars, with daisies in her hair. Mother's lace dress swirling around her knees and music to twirl to.

Jayne dreams of them like that, awake and asleep. He tells himself that they don't deserve a happy ending like that, but he still believes that it's possible. He hides his hope deep in his heart, where no one can find it but her. It becomes their shared dream. She wants them both to see it realized.

"Soulmates," Shepard Book says. They turn to him with worried faces.

"You said that before," Mal points to her, "when Saffron was lyin' her way through us. You said that you and Jayne were soulmates but you called her crazy." 

"That's cause she is," Jayne responds.

"But you didn't outright deny it." Shepard Book smiles almost knowingly. He's figured it out already. "I remember that the entire subject was changed when River called Saffron a thief. We were all thoroughly distracted after that and didn't say much more on the matter."

"Jayne was uncomfortable with where your thoughts were going. Everyone assumes the worst with him because he makes poor choices."

"Hey!"

"You do! Sometimes it is about money or whores, other times it is about soulmates." She stomped her feet like a child. "I won't be severed again!"

Simon places his hands on her shoulders. He turns her to face him and shakes her gently to get her attention.

" _Mei mei_ , what is this about soulmates? You never mentioned anything-"

"They cut it out of me Simon. They severed the connection. We cannot meet, we cannot dream, we can only cling to the physical. I will not be parted from him again. Do not make me!" She pushes past them and buries her face into Jayne's chest.

His arms are around her; gentle and warm, safe and secure. They are like puzzle pieces. They fit.

"This true Jayne?" Mal asks. His hands are itchy.

"Aw hell, whatever dirty thoughts creeped all up inta yer head, you better get rid of, cause it ain't like that." His heart beats fast. "River and me are soulmates, we have been since forever. When the Alliance took her to that fancible academy they ripped out the part of her brain that connected us together. I ain't a good man Mal, but I'll keep all of them filthy  _hun dans_ from takin' her back."

There's a beat of silence where Jayne's declaration sinks in. They are shocked and in awe that the man they believed to be one way was so much different than they thought.

"Shepard, you'll switch with River."

"Captain-" Simon begins but is silenced with a sharp look. She can feel the gaze like a knife against her skin.

"We'll talk about this later. I mean it," Mal points at the two of them. River nods her head from where she has it pressed against Jayne. "We get the catalyzer, y'all get back here, and we'll sit down and talk 'bout this like civilized folk."

Jayne pushes her back a step, hands so large that they practically encircle her arms.

When did she get so thin?

"River," Simon says. He is betrayed. She never said anything about her soulmate. She never told him Jayne's name. He knew about her soulmate, about how he wasn't the kind of man their parents would have chosen, but Simon never judged her for it. Despite that, she had kept quiet about it all this time. Jayne had kept quiet all this time. 

Simon handed Jayne the hypo. Her soulmate frowned a deep scowl but took it. "Use it only if things are dire. No doubt she'll fight you for it but, it will give me peace of mind to know that you have it." Simon turned to her. "We'll talk about this later?"

River looked up into her brother's watery, blue eyes. "We will. It won't be long now."

* * *

 Jayne is holding her hand when Inara gets the wave from Simon. River is asleep, kneeling at his feet, her head resting on his knee and unaware of everything. Zoe is awake and ordering them all to head back to Serenity. He's never been so glad to listen to an order.

Inara regards them both with a quiet reverence. He knows that it has to do with the fact River and he are soulmates. Inara may be a fancified whore but he ain't met a single one yet that didn't believe in the power of soulmates.

Jayne lifted River up and tucked her into Inara's bed. Moonbrain hardly weighed a thing.

"You're gentle with her, not just when you handle her, you're gentle with her mind too." Inara's voice is quiet so not to disturb River.

"If you grew up knowing the stories I know bout her parents, you'd treat her gentle too."

Inara has the shuttle on auto for now, they're at least ten minutes out from Serenity, which gives her plenty of time to interrogate him.

"I'm sure that dealing with the separation for all these years didn't help either."

It had been the worst kind of hell. He held on to hope, blind faith, because if he didn't have that he would be left with nothing. A world without River wasn't that much of a world. 

"I think it's sweet how ya both sorta mirror each other. River's got all the proper educatin' smarts and you're the tough as nails merc that goes all soft-bellied round his little woman. It's like somethin' outta a story." Kaylee smiles over her cup of tea, much to Jayne's discomfort.

"I ain't soft-bellied!"

* * *

"Things are going to change round here on the notion that you two are soulmates. Like for starters, you ain't sleepin' together unless the hatch to Jayne's bunk is open and you both are wearin' clothes!" Mal's face is red and suitably appalled at the very idea that a man like Jayne was going to be lying in the same bunk as his dear sister. Simon prayed for whatever God there was to just smite him now while he still didn't know about his sister's private life.

"Done." Jayne and River said in unison.

"And there will be no sexin' until she's at least eighteen!"

Simon could feel the vein his forhead pulse. There wasn't going to be any sex with his sister on this boat, not if he had anything to say about it. If Jayne so much as touches a hair on her head, he was going to show the oaf-ish gorilla exactly how he earned his doctorate.

"Mal, I ain't gonna sex her till we get married."

No, no this definitely was what going mad feels like.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed.  
> This is the longest chapter so far! Praise the plot of bunnies!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is post-Ariel. Introspection and I am having lots of fun writing River.

The Hands of Blue are far behind them. Everything ahead is the dark expanse of nothingness, swallowing them up like some great whale. River hides in the shadows of the cargo bay, listening to the gentle hum of Serenity's heart. She's telling her the history of her soul, how she gathered them all and made a family. River can feel tears roll down her cheeks.

Happiness.

Bliss.

Contentment.

Simon's new cocktail muddies her mind, chasing away all the dreams, nightmares, and memories, turning them into sludge. It is good for her and it is good for Simon that he has hope. River would have all the nightmares in the world if it meant that Simon had his hope.

They didn't talk about the Hands of Blue. Frankly, River is glad that they don't talk about it. She doesn't want to remember.

Blood everywhere.

Oozing from eyes. 

From ears.

From mouths.

Screams never to be heard.

The memory leaves a bad taste of copper coins and mustard greens across her tongue. River curls in on herself. Here, in Serenity's bowels, she is safe. Serenity cradles her, rocks her, treats her kind as if she were a mother; she is perhaps, the only real mother that she has ever known. Her own mother cared little for her feelings. She was a problem child.

Too wild.

Too smart.

Too watchful.

Wrong.

"Hey!"

River looks up and sees's Jayne staring down at her through the grate. He has a disgruntled, pinched look to his face, which meant that he had been looking for her for a long time.

"Been lookin' fer ya for least an hour now and ya made us both miss dinner."

River wrinkled her nose.

"Mush is not dinner."

"Yeah well it's protein mush that'll keep ya alive another day. Now scurry on up here and maybe I'll look the other way while ya sneak some sweetnuts outta storage."

She weighed the options. The protein mash was worse than disgusting. Zoe cooked today. The mush would not be sweet like when Kaylee and Shepard Book make it. The Shepard hides his sugar well. Wash had bargained for the sweetnuts; sweet and crunchy, honeyed and crusted with sugar. Five, one for each sticky finger would not be missed.

"Will agree to deal. No nuts for you."

"Yeah well, don't need 'em anyhow. Protein mash should taste like it."

River crawled out and dusted herself off.

"Why you hidin' in there anyways?"

"It is Serenity's secret place. Many things have been housed there. The walls whisper stories and secrets."

Warmth.

Wealth.

Longing.

Love.

River looked up at Jayne. He loved her. She... She loved him, but more than that, she needed him. He was like Simon, a constant. There was no River without Jayne. No River without Simon. Maybe, maybe there wasn't even a River without Serenity. In many ways, this ship had become her home. She couldn't imagine not listening to the hum of her engine or the warmth of the ship's occupants. These people were her family now and she would protect them.

True to his word, Jayne kept a lookout while River snuck into the cupboard and plucked five nuts from the stash and deftly chopped them up to mix in with the grey mush. She cleaned up after and no one would be the wiser. They sat at the little table across from one another. Jayne ate deftly and in silence. River ate spoonful after spoonful, trying in vain not to make faces at the taste.

Jayne's leg bumped into her bare toes but he didn't look up from eating.

River pushed back, her toes pressing hard against his knee.

* * *

Wash wasn't a paranoid person. He'd like to think he had a decent amount of superstition coupled with a healthy survival instinct. So when he wandered down the corridor to the kitchen to investigate the weird sounds, he did so with utmost caution. He didn't expect to find Jayne with his shirt knotted around his face and River sitting on his back, eating a bowl of protein mash with a smug look on her face.

It seemed that he wasn't the only one on this boat with a woman that could bend a man in two with their pinky.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed.


End file.
